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Surprise, this is me – currently in a whirlwind of life transitions and emotions, but feeling absolutely blessed nonetheless.
I welcomed 2020 with high hopes for this humble business. I was so excited to launch more colours, designs, and a whole new lineup of products. Sadly, however, COVID-19 happened. All my plans had to take a backseat. I decided to wait it out until things got better. Months passed and I was ready to dive back in. But just as I was starting to pick up momentum, my body refused to cooperate. Two sticks was all it needed to tell myself that once again, I had to slow down.
It has been quite a journey, since we found out about our little blessing last year. I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) during my first pregnancy. To put it simply, HG is a condition characterized by morning sickness going mayhem. As for me, it was an all-day sickness with countless trips to the toilet, having an extremely heightened sense of smell coupled with food aversion, nausea, dehydration, fatigue, and feeling totally demotivated and non-functional for months on end (way beyond my first trimester). For this pregnancy, my HG was far worse. I am not actually sure if it was also due to the stress of handling a toddler or my hormones were just really unkind this time around. I was still breastfeeding my daughter during my first trimester. It was challenging to strike a balance between nourishing your firstborn and making sure I was passing on at least something to the growing fetus inside me, when I had absolutely no appetite while throwing up non-stop throughout the day. With my husband back in the office, no helper and relatives around, I was also left alone at home to manage everything. All those things they say that you cannot do during pregnancy like doing laundry, heavy lifting, bending down, standing for long periods, sleeping late or not getting enough rest – I did while often wondering how I’d ever make it to the other side.
I also had several episodes of spotting, but being on bed rest was near to impossible with a toddler around. Instead of lying down during the greater part of the day, I found myself standing up every 10 minutes or so chasing her, doing activities and all sorts of things to keep her entertained. When my body desperately needed to rest and she was not in the mood for independent play, I would regrettably give in to some screen time. Oftentimes, mum guilt would take over me for not being there for my firstborn the way I wanted it to be. But what can I do? I knew that I had to set realistic expectations for myself, else I would end up getting lost in all the chaos and be a much worse parent to two precious souls. It was overwhelming to say the least, but I knew that God wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle.
Fast forward to today, here I am in one piece and ready to pop in a few days or weeks. I made it after all.
Indeed, being pregnant during the pandemic has its added challenges. Gone are the days when you are able to share this exciting milestone with others, not even your husband. COVID-19 restrictions meant going to check-ups alone – yes, hearing the baby’s heartbeat or finding out about the sex for the first time without anyone by your side. Being in isolation with fluctuating hormones and emotions hasn’t been easy as well. There are days when you feel the need to reach out to your family or closest friends, but just end up sending videos of the scans. You want to get rid of the nausea by breathing in some fresh air, only to realize that wearing a face mask will just aggravate it. Then comes a bored and restless toddler, who’s begging to go to the playground with you, but the anxiety of catching the virus outside also creeps up.
It’s been tough, but I thank God for bringing me into this whirlwind. Why? Maybe because He believed in my strength or He wanted to give me an opportunity to grow.
I learned to be kind to myself – that is, to let go, celebrate small wins, and simply take pride in the fact that I gave it my all. And amidst all the negativity of this pandemic, God made me feel that I was one lucky wife and mum. My husband, who usually worked until the wee hours of the morning, would cook even at 2 AM just to make sure that I wouldn’t have to worry about lunch the next day. He was my rock and we were a team, no matter what. It was also such a joy to see our then 2 year-old easily take on the role of a big sister. She would always check up on me, kiss and caress my tummy, and make sure that “mummy and baby are okay”. She would get things for me and ask how else she could help. The best part, she loved doing chores with me – from laundry to cooking and washing the dishes.
Whew, this has been such a long post. Apologies if I rambled way too much. But I guess I just wanted to share these things to anyone who is in a place of stress and anxiety right now. Everyday, we come across people who fight their battles in silence, muster up the courage to survive, heal, and still show up with a smile.
If you are trying your best to win battles we never realized you had, this is for you.
If you feel stuck in an endless cycle of exhaustion and worry, fighting the same demons everyday by yourself, this is for you.
Whatever you are going through right now, know that God wouldn’t give you any burden you cannot bear. He, too, believes in your strength and capability to overcome it.
You may be silent, but we see you and we hear you. You are not alone in this battle. Sending you love and light 
Featured in the photos: Ivory Crochet Lace
